Write first
Every event starts as a claim in English. We do not open an SDK until the claim would survive a sceptical colleague in legal, research, or support.
The studio
We keep the work small enough to argue with.
Featurekernelbase exists because App Analytics had become a vendor tutorial with nicer furniture. We opened a room in Dacre Banks for people who still want to be accountable for a number.
Mission
Telemetry should be a public sentence inside the company.
If only two people can interpret a dashboard, the dashboard is a private language. Our mission is to make App Analytics legible across product, engineering, and commercial teams — without flattening the caveats that make the numbers honest.
We are not a consultancy that ships a slide deck and leaves. Students keep the ledger. Instructors stay available for a defined critique window after each room closes. The address is rural on purpose: people travel, then they concentrate.
Pedagogy
Three habits we refuse to drop
Critique in public
Work is read aloud. Naming fights happen in the room, not in a private Slack thread after the cohort has gone home.
Keep the known lies
Sampling, missing consent, delayed identity — we catalogue them beside the kernels. A ledger that pretends to be complete is worse than a short one.
Community
A quiet list, not a social network.
Alumni receive a monthly letter with one annotated chart and one failed naming example from the studio. There is no points system. There is an optional winter reading day in Harrogate for people who want to sit with paper again.
We draw students from banks, publishers, health, and mobility products across the United Kingdom. The common trait is not seniority. It is a willingness to delete events they once launched with pride.
Student journey
From enquiry to ledger
You write to us with a current catalogue, even if it is embarrassing. We reply within three working days with a recommendation: a short atelier, the flagship studio, or a frank note that you need instrumentation work before teaching will help.
Accepted students receive a pre-read: a twelve-page pamphlet on kernels, and a request to freeze new events for the first fortnight. During the room, you produce weekly artefacts — property tables, funnel assumptions, a retention narrative. After the last critique, you hold a sixty-minute readout with your own stakeholders. We sit in only if asked.
The journey ends when your ledger has an owner inside your organisation. If that owner is still “the analytics team” as a blob, we consider the work unfinished and say so.
Begin with a letter